Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance ...

I took my first LSAT practice test today.

I scored a 150. The highest score you can get is 180, whereas the number that I need to get me into Robson Hall is at least a 165. So I'm thinking that a 150 for a first time shot is pretty amazing.

I ruled the logical reasoning part.
I did pretty well on the reading comprehension.
I didn't do so well on logical games haha.

Everything with the LSAT is routine and procedure. Give me a few more practice tests and I'll surely ace it on September 26th.

I apply for law school a year from this October. I am almost there.

I am almost there.

I got into performance. My jury went extremely well. I played well, I felt comfortable, I enjoyed myself immensely.

My decision to become a lawyer started sometime in middle school. It wasn't until high school that I decided I was going to get a degree in music; in fact, grade eleven was the year I decided to become a performance major. I told myself four years ago that I would get a degree in performance, and I've finally been accepted into the concentration. I found this all so overwhelming, kind of like when I won the G.G. medal. I told myself in grade nine that I would win that medal, that I would work incredibly hard for it, but when my name was announced at convocation I was immediately overwhelmed; I felt like crying. I had spent four years working toward this goal, and finally it was in my grasp; I won, I reached the goal I had spent so many years dreaming about. Being accepted into performance felt a lot like that. It was another four year goal that I worked my butt off to achieve. Now that I am in performance, I have two years left of my degree. Only two years. Up to this point in my life I have achieved everything I have ever worked for: I got the medal, I have been accepted into performance, I play lead of UMJO and have a GPA high enough to enter law school in two years. My biggest goal, one that has been in my mind for close to ten years, is quickly coming to a pass. I will be writing the LSAT this September, and will be applying for law school a year from this November. A year. I have been waiting almost ten years for this moment, and acceptance is only a year away.

Tonight I am playing at my friend's master's recital. We have been working on this piece for about eight months now. I actually played it for my jury last year, and I must say I played it well. Every since we started doing it again this year, however, I have been ridden with insecurity - I have botched it a few times in difference performances, and have made myself feel like crap on many occasions. All for what? Why? Where does this insecurity come from? I played it so well at my jury last year, with such confidence and resolve. There is absolutely no reason why I will not do the same tonight; in fact, I know I will perform it well. It's not a technically difficult piece; it's a piece that requires a huge amount of confidence - it is not for the weak spirited.

I am confident, and I am strong enough to perform this piece well. I know I will do well, and I need to recognize my self-worth. I have not reached this point in my life being weak and insecure. Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment, and I have had my fair share of accomplishment. The world is filled with negativity, insecurity and the desire for greatness, but the incapacity to achieve it. I refuse to let my mind be filled with the negativity of the world. I choose now to release all of the negative, fearful and destructive thoughts from my mind, for the words I speak and the thoughts I think dictate my experiences. I want positive experiences, so I will always think positively.

Confidence is the companion of success.
Confidence is the companion of success.
Confidence is the companion of success.

Don't forget that.

My jury is tomorrow.

My performance jury.

The jury that will decided whether or not I will be a performance major this fall.

Bring it on!

Woo!

I've been going to regular chiropractor sessions for my jaw and neck issues, and it's been working really well. Through my experiences with the chiropractor I have learned many things:

1.) I hold all of my stress in my neck.
2.) 70% of my jaw pain is coming from my neck being perpetually out of place.
3.) 30% of my jaw pain is all mental.
4.) My strive for perfection is causing the neck pain.

Therefore: stop striving for perfection and my next pain will go away, which in turn will cure my jaw problems. Sounds simple enough, right?

The 5th thing I learned was that it if I were to stop striving for perfection I may very well have a mental breakdown.

I wonder about doctors sometimes.

Sometimes I get physically ill from the amount of pressure I put on myself to succeed. The funny (or scary, depending on your outlook) thing is, I don't realize I am doing this. Mentally, I am perfectly calm and quite methodical. It's my physical and emotional state that seem to get affected by the stress I place on myself. The fact that my mind doesn't directly feel the pressure causes my body to build up the weight and eventually I get really sick - like really sick.

I've also come to see that music is not what I am meant to do as a full-time career.

I'm constantly fighting, stressing and endlessly striving for this "ideal" that I have in my head - I want to be amazing. Not just great, but amazing. I want to be able to play the trumpet and feel like I sound good all the time. I want to be able to play with the WJO and sound awesome. It doesn't sound like such an unattainable goal, on the surface it seems quite reasonable; the problem I have is that I have no definition of "amazing". I want to be such a good trumpet player, but it seems that every mountain I climb leads me to another mountain. I work so incredibly hard to make my way to the summit, and when I finally get there I am met with another gigantic challenge. One cannot master music, I know that and I'm not trying to. I want to feel, if not just for a moment, pure accomplishment. Accomplishment with no strings attached. I want to be able to perform something so incredibly well that I don't get a, "That sounded great, but ..." Music is built around constructive criticism in hopes of having us improve as musicians. I understand this and appreciate it. Sometimes though it feels like I am constantly working toward a goal, this "ideal" that is never going to come.

Being a lawyer allows me the momentary contentment of knowing I won a case and succeeded. When lawyers win cases, they don't think, "You know, I should have brought that piece of evidence out clearer." No - if they won, the won. There is no "I should have", because they won. In music, there's the feeling of a job well done, but always the subtext that reads, "I could have done that ... or that ... or played it better in this section by doing that ..." You are never done with a piece when you perform it. There's always something to improve upon. I feel like if I were to have to live the rest of my life trying to meet this "idea" I would surely land myself into a mental hospital.

With that being said, I love trumpet. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to reach for a goal I will never attain.

My sister is auditioning for the Junior Honour Band. She did the audition tape today and asked me to drive her to drop it off at the designated home. When I asked the address, she said "15 Pine Cres." I, of course, assumed she meant Pine crescent. Was I ever wrong. It was 15 Pine Crest BAY. So where did I go? All the way out to freaking Archibald and Fermor!

BAH.

And where was the ACTUAL adress? off Springfield road, near Henderson. THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

BAH.

It was funny. We had a good laugh. What should have been a 20 mintue drive (or less), turned into almost an hour long ordeal (we ended up stopping at Tim Hortons; oh, I haven't won anything from Roll up the Rim yet. I'm quite bitter about that).

Once again, we have some time off from school, and once again I am sick. I think my body purposely withholds illness until times like these, to which all sickness breaks loose. I have a head cold, sore throat and nasty sinus congestion.

This is supposed to be my practice trumpet/complete all of my school work week!

Regardless of my cold, I have been playing trumpet and writing essays anyway. I didn't play trumpet yesterday, though. It's funny - I don't play for a single day, and then when I pick up the horn I feel like I haven't played for a week. Sure, I'm still sick and my sense of pitch is a tad off (sinus congestion), but playing still felt very alien. After about thirty minutes of hacking my way through the Pippin score, I started sounding better - a LOT better. And now, almost two hours since I started playing, I sound pretty good!

It's weird how that works; taking a day off causes me to require at least a half-hour in order to get back into the swing of things.

Trumpets are frustrating.

Is it possible to love someone, but not be in love with them? Whenever I have heard someone say that about someone else, they always meant that they loved the person in a platonic manner, and not romantic. What I mean here, however, is quite different. So perhaps I should rephrase my question:

Is it possible to have all the symptoms of being in love, without the desire to be in a relationship with that person? I keep thinking the answer to this is yes, but it's not called "love" - it's called infatuation. Or is it? I'm not entirely sure.

I need to learn to relax, and yet I do not know the first step in doing so.

School is starting in two days, so I decided to play my trumpet just a little and spend some time reading over old livejournal entries.

I've changed a lot over the last two years. It is to be expected, of course; everything from my grammar and sentence structure to my overindulgent use of ellipses; written content included. I re-read a rather frantic entry I made in February of 2007 that made me laugh. It was the perfect example of the "extremism of youth". I was freaking out about a pre-calculus test, on which I got 79%. I was stressed with the immense work that was Moby-Dick the Musical! and particularly irritable. I had already completed my Faculty of Music audition, but was terrified that I had screwed up my pre-calculus grade. I don't particularly remember the finer details of that moment in my life, but I do remember feeling as if I had lost the race for the Governor General medal. What I found particularly humourous was the language and writing style I used to write that post. I was quite crude with my sentence structure, and used words and abbreviations that I cannot believe I ever entertained - "FTW"; "=P"; not to mention all of the italics and capital letters I so freely exerted onto the page.

Pure extremism. I was so hurt over my grade that I forgot everything I believed in: my belief in positive thinking was completely thrown out the window.

I'm done. I've lost the race. I should not have done this play. I regret it. I regret it completely. I am so angry with myself, you have no idea. I always bite off more than I can chew, and I absolutely abhor myself for doing so. I do not know what else to say. I just don't. I haven't stopped crying since I got home, and really today has been a terrible day. Nothing seemed to want to go my way. I'm so stupid.
- Feburary 19th, 2007

Wow. Did I really say that? Clearly I did, but reading it over sounds so -- alien. It's hard to imagine having wrote that, and just two years ago, too. I've grown a lot since that day. Clearly things worked out in my favour, and nothing was "lost". I feel rather embarrassed having written that, actually. "I should not have done this play. I regret it." I didn't really mean that. Stage-managing Moby-Dick the Musical! was one of the greatest things I have ever done. I might have meant it in that moment, but it was merely a frustrated outburst by a over worked seventeen-year-old. We all have those moments where we say things that we don't necessarily believe; I'm just shocked to see it written down, and in such a poorly structured way, too.

Two years from now I'll probably be looking back on these entries and thinking something along the same lines - just maybe not as dramatic as a response. Reading old entries gives me a strong insight as to what I was like in the past. It's easy to forget who we were, and even more easy to assume we have always been the way we currently are. I'd like to think I'm changing for the better - in some ways, at least. We all have our flaws and insecurities, but I think I've come a long way since February of 2007. Where has the time gone?

What is considered the "proper conditions" required to raise a child? A safe home, a strong parental unit, the knowledge that you are loved unconditionally - there are many different variables I could come up with. What constitutes a good parent? Is it someone who fulfills these aspects of child rearing? What about single parents versus married parents? What is the right way to raise a child?

Statistically speaking, in the U.S. alone there are 13.6 single parents; 84% of whom are single mothers. In 1994 there was a study done in the U.S. that compared the outcomes of children growing up with biological parents versus children growing up in single parent households. The study showed that kids who grew up without both biological married parents were twice as likely to be poor, not graduate high school and have premarital births.

That isn't saying much, though. Statistics don't lie, it's how you interpret them is what counts. I know of many single parent households who have produced wonderfully well-rounded, health individuals, and many households with married parents who have produced children of a not-so healthy nature. It goes both ways.

I bring this up because I've had a lot of discussions these past few weeks about child rearing, and how it should be done. If you ask five different people what they think is the "right way", you'll get five different opinions. Personally, I think there are two main characteristics a person needs in order to be a good parent - selflessness and patience. Love and compassion, in my opinion, are a give-in for this sort of thing. Most people love their children, but are unwilling to put their children first, and have little patience for such matters. I've never had children, so it's easy for me to say, "Parents these days ..." with an underlying tone of disgust. I'm not trying to judge how people raise their children - it's an incredibly tough job. Instead, I look at parents and think about how I will never have that life. Some people are made to be parents, some are not. I fall into the latter category, for I truly am not made to be a parent. I am not selfless, nor am I patient.

Oh, one more thing: I do not want to give my up career. In my personal opinion, the best way to raise a child is to have one full-time parent at home. I'm not saying anything against working parents; in fact, I have the utmost respect for them. I, however, do not believe in having child raised by relatives or day-cares. With that being said, I am working on a four year performance degree so I can play professionally while I attend law school and become a prominent crown attorney. Why would I work over 10 years to build a career for myself, both musically and legally, just to give it all up to raise a family? I just do not see the logic in something like that. I have been, and continue to be, completely and irrevocably married to my job - my career. My entire life I have had aspirations for greatness, and never did raising a family come up in those visions. In fact, getting married never really occurred to me either. Sure, I may get married someday, but it's not a high priority in my life right now. Personal relationships in general have never been a high priority on my list. That's another subject altogether, though.

"Life has a funny way of changing your desires," or so I have been told. It's been almost 10 years now, and the only "desire" that has changed is the path in which I shall take toward law school. I originally wanted to get a degree in philosophy, but that was before I fell in love with music - with the trumpet. The basic outline still remains the same: I don't want children; I want to be married to my job.
 

I don't really use Livejournal much anymore, but it's nice to have around when I am feeling rather bored and talk-a-tive.

Another Christmas come and gone and I feel quite good about it. My family has never celebrated Christmas in the traditional definition; family gatherings with a lot of decoration and baking. In fact, my family has only recently started the whole decorating thing - tree included. We've never had a real tree, but a fake, white one. Yes, white. It looks nice, the way my mother decorates it, but I still feel rather strange having it in our home; even though we've had it for close to six years now.

I'm not a holiday person. That isn't to say I am an Ebenezer Scrooge, who insists upon "bahumbug-ing" anyone who gets in my path. Quite the contrary, for I am more of an introvert who doesn't wish to go out and party like the rest of my age bracket. For that matter, I'd much rather read and play my trumpet than do much of anything else. I was quite the social butterfly in elementary school. It wasn't until middle-school did I start reading and ignoring everything else around me. High school brought me out of my comfort zone a bit with drama and music, but I still retained my introverted status at home. My parents have tried getting me to leave the house and spend time with friends, but I just have no desire to do so.

At the risk of sounding horribly cliche: I feel old. Not old in the youthful spirit of self-whining derision whose subtext reads "my party days are quickly coming to an end", but old in the literal definition. I'm not a fool; I know there are aspects of me that are still very young. I'm naive and I am horribly inexperienced in most aspects of life. I'd like to say I also look very young, but apparently I don't. The first and only time I've ever purchased liquour was at the beginning of this month. I went to the LC to buy my parents a bottle of wine, and when I got to the checkout the clerk said, "Naturally I'm going to have to ask you for a piece of photo I.D." anticipating this request, I already had my license out and handed it to him. As he took the license from me, he smiled and said, "Sorry, it's just the curse of looking young." When he looked at my date of birth on the license he said, in a rather shocked tone, "Oh, you are young," looked me up and down (rather obviously) and said, "You're only eighteen?" I corrected him and said I was nineteen, but he just handed me my license and laughed to himself. About a week later, I went to pick up my sister from school, but she wasn't waiting outside for me so I went inside to find her. Sure enough she was in the library, and as we were walking out together, her gym teacher passed us and said, "Hi Angelica. Hi mommy!" I wish I were joking, but I'm not. He thought I was her mother. Naturally, I corrected him immediately. He just laughed and said, "That makes sense. I thought you looked a little young to be a mother." A little young? I am only seven years older than Angelica. He wouldn't know that, of course. All he would know is that we look a lot alike. Just the other day Angelica and I went to buy my mother a bookshelf for Christmas. We found the perfect one, and as we were in the checkout the clerk took one look at Angelica, then myself, and said, "What a beautiful daughter you have." I smiled and said, "Thank you, but she is my sister, not my daughter."

Mentally, I feel old. I don't seem to think along the same lines as most people my age, nor do I seem to share the common likes and dislikes of the average second year University student. "It's a choice on your part not to fit in," I've been told. "If you cared to try, you would easily fit in with your age bracket, but because you are so stubborn, you spend your Saturday evenings sitting at home reading." Someone actually told me that once. My response? I just laughed. Who knows; maybe they are right. As far as I see things though, I like spending my Saturday evenings reading at home. To be completely honest: I have never felt the need to be around other people. I have never sought out friends; I don't feel like I have to do something sociable on weekends; I have never felt the need for companionship, and I have never had a problem with being alone during the holidays, or anytime of year for that matter. I simply do not get lonely. In fact, I try to avoid social situations as much as possible. Unless the activity in question is important to someone I know, I will avoid attending.

This all sounds worse than it really is, I am thinking. I am not some kind of hermit who locks myself in my room for days on end, even if that's what I would like to do sometimes. On a completely different note, I have my LSAT test day scheduled - September 26th, 2009. I am quite excited, really. My parents bought me an LSAT study guide for Christmas. I went through the sample question portion of the book, without any previous preparation, and answered all three questions correctly with ease. I cannot begin to express the sincere excitement I felt having done so. Sure, these three questions may have been written easier than the actual test questions, but my answering them correctly was not what impressed me. I was impressed with how I answered them.

The LSAT has five different sections: logical reasoning, logic games, reading comprehension, a writing sample and "experimental section". Logical reasoning makes up 50% of the score, and tests your ability to understand, evaluate and manipulate arguments. Logic games is 25% of the score and tests logic, and your ability to organize and manipulate data though attention to detail. Reading comprehension is 25% and tests your ability to quickly break down dense material; identifying structure and reasoning. The "experimental section" will take form of either logic reasoning, games or reading comprehension. It is not graded, but used to test possible future LSAT questions on participants. You will not know which section is the non-graded portion - so you have to make sure you answer everything as accurately as possible. The writing portion is not graded either, but is sent along with your LSAT score to every University you apply to.

I answered a logical reasoning, logical game and reading comprehension question. The answers to each question seemed obvious to me. I didn't hesitate, nor did I second guess myself. There only seemed to be one correct answer in my mind for each question, and in the end I was 100% correct. I have wanted to be a lawyer for close to ten years now, and still to this day I am finding sign after sign that says I am on the right track; that I am working toward the right career for me. Everything is telling me that I am made to do this, and to answer those questions correctly just adds more fuel to my already roaring fire of excitement. I will be applying for law in about two years. Two years. I've been waiting such a long time for this, and it's amazing to know that I am almost there. Almost there. I will apply to a few major Universities in Canada, along with a few in the U.S. - Robson Hall (UofM), Osgoode Hall (York University), UBC Faculty of Law, University of Ottawa's Faculty of Law, Harvard (Massachusetts), Yale (Conneticuit), Stanford (California) and Princeton (New Jersey). I'm only applying to the U.S. law schools for kicks and giggles, really. I don't have any desire to leave the country, nor the province for that matter. I'm just applying to see if I would get accepted. My goal is to stay at the UofM and go to law school here. I am going to be a Crown Attorney, and wish to stay where my family, music and life is. Why leave Winnipeg? I like it here.

The main reason why I am in music is to perform. I love performing, but it also terrifies me quite a bit.

Every time I get on stage my throat closes up, I start spitting sand and my jaw tenses. Every. Single. Time. But that's why I am here, is it not? To learn how to master the art of performance, whilst getting over my stage fright. And as they say, the way to get over something you fear is to face it.

So, I signed up for the Concerto Competition at school. This competition is open to any student who wishes to participate. A winner is often chosen from each instrument category (woodwind, brass, piano, voice, etc.) and the chosen performer gets to play a solo piece with either the Wind Ensemble or Orchestra. I signed up because it would mean facing my fear of the stage. Whether I won or not was of no consequence.

I started rehearsing with my collaborative pianist (who is just about THE nicest person you'd ever meet) in mid-October -- about a month before the competition. She and I worked hard on the 3rd movement of the Hindemith and we got to work with various teachers to get some extra coaching in.

We performed the piece today. As always, my throat closed up, my mouth dried out and my jaw tensed, and yet -- I didn't play horrendously. I didn't sound great, but I didn't botch the piece either. It was more of an average performance than anything. I left feeling rather disappointed and sad (along with incredibly thirsty!), but I didn't ridicule myself for the less-than-perfect performance. After all, I'm in this faculty to learn how to get over this fear, and today I took another step toward that goal. I did not achieve it just yet, but I see the end in my horizon.

I did what a lot of people are afraid of doing, and I didn't do it terribly. As far as I see things, today was an incredibly successful day.

What qualifies someone to be a teacher?

Having a bachelor's degree doesn't qualify you to teach University, but apparently having a masters or doctorate degree does. High school teachers are "required" an education degree, but even then I know of a few people who do not possess an education degree and yet are currently teaching at a high school anyway.

So then, what truly qualifies someone to be a teacher?

The teaching profession, in my opinion, should be like law, medicine and dentistry - high aptitude should be required. Depending on the stream of education you wish to teach, one should be heavily screened and carefully chosen for the faculty. And yet, the "teacher shortage" in the country makes it available to anyone, and everyone who is willing.

How many terrible teachers have we encountered in our lives? How many awful educators can we honestly say we have experienced? Most of us would probably say one or two, maybe. The issue here is not that the majority of educators are awful, but horribly mediocre - and that, in many ways, is just as bad.

Mediocrity inspires mediocrity. For example: I have heard many people in the Faculty of Music refer to the "C's get degrees" program - the idea that no matter what GPA you have (as long as it's the C average required by the faculty) and level of musicianship you graduate with, you're still going to be a band/choral teacher, so why bother trying your best. You're still going to get that education degree regardless.

What sort of mentality is that? I don't believe this thought process is shared only by some music Ed. majors. I think a LOT of education students have this belief. After all, "if you can't do - teach."

Now, it's a tad harder to get a masters and doctorate degree than an education degree - that's true - but even still, who says those individuals are qualified to teach? Just because you have a doctorate in anthropology with a focus on research methods does not mean you should be given a class to lecture and grade. The same works for performance. Having a degree in musical performance (no matter the instrument) doesn't mean you should teach an academic class. Private lessons, maybe, but not academia. It just doesn't make sense.

Teachers have SO much influence on the youth of today. For many educators, they can make or break a young student's love of learning. With as much power as they have (union included - don't get me started on that), you'd think our government would be more careful and selective with who they allow to graduate with that title. A selective process may give us fewer teachers at first, but at least we'd know what we were getting.

At least in theory, anyway.

Yoga + me = no good.

I signed up for yoga as part of the faculty of music. We started the program just this year, and I need to learn to relax, so I signed up.

It's terrible.

Or rather, the instructor is great and the class is fine, I however, do not like it. I am incredibly tense, so to tell me that I must stretch a certain way while clearing my thoughts in a silent room is stupidity. I can't clear my thoughts?! If anything, all I can think about is how stupid I feel standing in these various positions while trying to "clear my mind and focus on my breathing". My breathing is sporadic and my thoughts are everywhere. I am logical (for the most part) and do not find any real logical sense in doing Iyengar Yoga. They say it helps "build inner balance", "relieve the stress of everyday life" and "strengthen your body alignment" and yet all I can think about is why I am here and not practicing or doing theory homework.

Swimming, on the other hand, is quite wonderful! For the entire time I am in the pool all I can think about is the water and my form. No musical thoughts penetrate my mind. THIS is what I need - complete solitary thoughts that are far from the days events and my yet-to-do-list.

Urgh. I'm not cut out for yoga. Not at all.

There I was, sitting on the bus at 9:30am eating tapioca pudding and listening to Chicago when the epiphany hit me. I want to be Premier of Manitoba, or at least an MLA and/or MP to start with. Eventually I'll be Premier.

I have always loved politics, but have never been much of an advocate until this past year. Being at University, seeing and experiencing as much as I have over the course of the last 14 months, I came to realize that I really disliked a lot of what was going on in our campus. I didn't agree with the leadership, I didn't like the education structure, I didn't like much of what was happening. Then I began expanding my line of sight onto the province. I really don't like what is going on in Manitoba either. And yet, I had no right to complain. Why? Because I wasn't doing anything about it. I wasn't voicing my opinions or trying to help make things better. I just sat around and complained. What is the use in that?

After that realization, I ran for student council, got elected as the "Director of Programming" of the Faculty of Music and am working my way up the totem poll. Now that I have my foot in the political door at school, I am once again turning my sights onto the province and federal government. This time, however, I'm not complaining - I'm advocating. I'm a member of both the provincial and federal conservative parties, and I'm volunteering with the federal election as well as the Conservative National Convention.

I feel good about this. It's a good feeling.

Thank YOU tapioca.

I seem to be happier when I am constantly busy. It makes me think I'm not just wasting time; although wasting time can be nice once and a while. Just not now.

My life thus far:

Along with my regular classes (music theory 3+4/history 3+4/basic skills 3+4/philosophy) I am playing lead trumpet in the UofM Jazz Orchestra and have lead in quite a few pieces for the Wind Ensemble, including Holst's: The Planets. The UMWE is recording a CD this month, performing in October, opening for the Provincial Senior Honour Band in November, performing in December, playing with the Winnipeg Wind Ensemble for the New Music Festival at the concert hall in February and performing in April. I am also in a brass quintet that rehearses twice a week and I have a collaborative pianist I rehearse with once a week. I am playing a trumpet trio piece for the Manitoba Chamber Orchestra concert next week and will be competing in the "Concerto Competition" this November for a chance to play a solo piece with the Wind Ensemble next year. I have yoga classes every Tuesday morning and swimming every Wednesday evening until December. I am the Director of Programming of the Faculty of Music Student's Association and am responsible for planning out biggest social dance of the year, along with graduation in April for the 4th years. I am taking trumpet lessons twice a week with two different teachers and I am working toward doing a performance audition for my jury in April (I have to play a 30 minute concert). Aside from the UofM, I am charing the entertainment committee for the GCCI 50th Anniversary Reunion in 2011 and helping organize the entire event. I also wish to volunteer for Seussical this fall.

It helps to write everything out. It all seems easier, more doable when it's all laid out in front of you. With that being said, I most certainly have my plate full just the way I like it - with music.

I've been looking into different law schools lately. My plan is, once I get my bachelor of performance, is to attend Robson Hall. However, it's good to keep my options open. At this point I will be applying to Robson Hall (UofM), Osgoode Hall (York University), Yale and Harvard.

The application process is really different when applying to Oxford. I have to take a different admissions test and the interview process is really expensive. I'd have to fly to Vancouver in order to write the LNAT and then fly back there for my interview some odd months later. I could always apply for the Rhode scholarship, which would be nice to receive, but I think I'd much rather stay in North America.

Which brings me to my second point - law school in the U.S. and Harvard law versus Yale law.

My ultimate goal is to be a prosecutor for the crown and live in Winnipeg, which is why at this point Robson Hall is my main priority. Not because I don't think I could make it into any other school - quite the contrary. I know if I really wanted to I could make it into any ivy league U.S. law school. I'm just not sure at this point if it is something I want to do. After all, I'm not the biggest fan of the U.S. My parents told me to apply everywhere I am interested and then decide once the acceptance letters come rolling in (pretty much their exact words hah). So that's what I am going to do!

Robson Hall, Osgoode, Yale and Harvard. Imagine if I were to get accepted into all four. What a wacky situation that'd be! Tuition wise, I'm looking at close to $400,000 for my entire education (including residence/food and cost of living) if I were to go to Yale or Harvard. Osgoode is $12,000 a year just for tuition. Living costs would bring me to an easy $20,000 per year - $60,000 for the entire program. Robson Hall, on the other hand, is $8,600 not including books, so roughly $30,000 including books and everything else involved. It's obviously cheaper to stay where I am. It's funny how my first choice of law school is because of my music career and not for the prestige of the faculty.

The way I see things, is no matter where I go to law school I will graduate with a LLB. Prestige, status, wealth, it may be easier to obtain those things faster if one goes to an ivy league school, but in all honesty I know I can achieve them from right here in Winnipeg. The school doesn't make the person. The person makes the person.

I like to collect quotes. Quotes of a various nature; motivational, inspirational, thought provoking, interesting, clever, funny - you name it, I collect it. There are few authors, however, who I consistently quote. Aristotle is one. In fact, he was the first. Aristotle was the first person I ever quoted, and his words of wisdom were what paved the beginning to the new mentality I adopted in grade nine:

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit."

The second person of whom I speak is Dr. Norman Vincent Peale. He is the author of the believed to be greatest self-help book of all time - The Power of Positive Thinking. I have read a fair portion of the book, not all as of yet. And there is rarely a page that goes by where I am not writing down his words to reference later.

Dr. Peale's teachings are quite simple really. Positive thinking can be achieved over due time if one puts in the mental effort to do so. It's not terribly difficult. In fact, it's rather easy. The first step is to rid your mind of what he calls "little negatives" that we so often use in our everyday speech.

• Upon seeing gloomy clouds: "I knew it was going to rain today."
• If something turned out badly you say, "I knew it was going to turn out that way."
• You're stuck at work and time is ticking by ever so slow: "I'm never going to get out of here."

We all do it, and most of the time it's subconscious - inherent, if you will. The are "little negatives," yes, but as Dr. Peale says, "Don't forget mighty oaks from little acorns grow." It's easy to let these little thoughts cluster into large ones. How does one overcome these thoughts?

1. Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Never permit it to fade. Always picture "success" no matter how badly things seem to be going at the moment.
2. Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal powers comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.
3. Do not build up obstacles in your imagination. Depreciate every so-called obstacle. Minimize them. Difficulties must be studied and efficiently dealt with to be eliminated, but they must be seen for only what they are. They must be inflated by fear thoughts.
4. Do not be awestruck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as YOU can. Remember also that most people, despite their confident appearance and demeanor, are often as scared as you are and as doubtful of themselves.
5. Ten times a day repeat these dynamic words, "If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) (Stop reading and repeat them NOW slowly and confidently).
6. Get a competent counselor to help you understand why you do what you do. Learn the origin of your inferiority and self-doubt feelings which often begin in childhood. Self-knowledge leads to a cure.
7. Ten times each day practice the following affirmation, repeating it out loud if possible. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) Repeat those words NOW. That magic statement is the most powerful antidote on earth to inferiority thoughts.
8. Make a true estimate of your own ability, then raise it 10 percent. Do not become egotistical, but develop a wholesome self-respect. Believe in your own God-released powers.
9. Put yourself in God's hands. To do that simply state, "I am in God's hands." Then believe you are NOW receiving all the power you need. "Feel" it flowing into you. Affirm that "the kingdom of God is within you" (Luke 17:21) in the form of adequate power to meet life's demands.
10. Remind yourself that God is with you and nothing can defeat you. Believe that you now RECEIVE power from him.

Yes, he uses God in his book. He was a Protestant preacher, after all. Whether you believe in God or not, the words still ring true. You need to give yourself permission to be great. You need to believe you have been given a gift that can be used for the greater good. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that we possess powers. Powers that carry both strength and intelligence as well as fear and corruption. We have both good and evil within us, and it's our choice how we wield these powers. I think we are born great, but depending on our upbringing the knowledge and readiness to use those powers are buried underneath inferiority and self-loathing. I really think Peale knows what he is talking about.


Reaffirm your abilities.

I never wanted to go to the high school I did. I wanted to go to the one on Main Street. After all, my friends were there. It's amazing how life has a way of working out though, for it was my parents who forced me to attend GCCI. To be honest, I resented their decision for most of my grade nine year. I didn't fit in well with any particular group, nor did I really enjoy any of my classes -- even band.

What changed? To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I don't know what inspired me to try harder. Something in my mind told me that I was headed for a terrible four years if I were to keep up this mental pouting for having been forced to separate from my friends. So I just -- changed.

I watched this video today on youtube. It was a MAD TV skit of Bob Newhart acting as a psychologist. His first patient enters, and tells him of her irrational fear of being buried alive in a box. Newhart's advice? "STOP IT!" Just stop being bulimic, stop being fearful, stop having self-destructive relationships with men, etc. It's a silly skit, but I laughed regardless. I love Bob Newhart. At any rate, his message made me think about a few things. One of which being, do we really have the ability to just "stop" our fears? Our self-destructive habits and behaviour? It's never quite as simple as telling yourself to "stop it" ... but if you think about it, in some cases maybe it can be?

Positive reinforcement, telling yourself that you are wonderful, smart, attractive, worth-while, and truly believing it. These are the keys to success, for we cannot truly love others and be successful unless we learn to love ourselves and believe that we already are a success. I agree with this. Self confidence is the strongest asset we have to aide us in the struggle to find a place in the world. Why not just tell ourselves to "stop it"? Why not stand up to our foibles and just say "no"?

I think on some subconscious level, I came to this realization a long time ago -- in grade nine perhaps. After I realized an attitude adjustment was warranted, I did exactly that and have never turned back. I'm not saying it's a magical formula, but it's certainly worth a try. We are stronger than we think.

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have." - Norman Vincent Peale

My older brother and I are going to England next May. Of all the places in the world, London has been the one destination I have always wanted to visit. It's always been a silly dream of mine to attend Oxford law school and become a permanent resident of the U.K. Planning this trip really got my thinking ...

Why is it silly to want to study at Oxford? Why not go for it?

With that thought in my mind I have planned the trip so that one day is spent visiting Oxford and Cambridge. If I really like it there then I am going to apply for the Rhode Scholarship and write the LNAT (along with LSAT) and apply everywhere in Canada and the Oxford. Why not pursue that "silly ambition"? If I want it bad enough I know I can achieve it.

As for the trip to England, Jerret and I will be doing all the awesome sight seeing of London Tower, boat cruise on the Thames, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, watching the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace, Stonehenge, Museum of London, Madame Tussauds, a tour of London's East Side to see the "Jack the Ripper" areas along with a bunch of other amazing things. As well, we will be touring Glasgow, Edinburgh, Dublin and Belfast and Cardiff (the capital of Wales). It's going to be a wonderful trip filled with amazing sights and lots of educational fun!

As for law school, why not attend Oxford? I don't see any cons ...